I Hate My BLOG!

I will pay money to anyone that can come fix my blog and not lose anything.....This is the reason why I have not been posting...because for some reason that is unknown...my blog setup is completly different from everyone elses! I keep thinking of all these post that I want to do but everytime I get on I remember how irritating my blog setup is and I just give up! Hence the no posting! Sorry to everyone who might still be out there looking at my blog! (who knows I might be typing to crickets!)

Good things to come....

This was EVERYTHING I needed to hear! I know my last couple of post have been unsure and a bit unstable. But after hearing this talk from Bro. Holland, I was overwhelmed with the spirit! I know that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me, and not all my blessing come when I want them to come. He has a clear picture of everything and I know that I need to put my trust in Him to see me though ALL my hard times.  I know that my pride and stubbornness are my constant reasons for not falling to Him. I know that He is hurting with me and ready for me to come to Him for comfort. I am grateful for my faith in Him and the love that He has for me.

 http://www.youtube.com/mormonmessages?v=8nczw6xHJ0I

I am sure that if I were to hear Heavenly Father speak it would sound simlar to Jeffrey R. Holland. He has one of the most powerful, sweet, and comforting voices!

Time for a change....(i think..)

I feel that itch and I can't seem to scratch it. I need SOMETHING in my life. Not sure what it is...but I just know that I feel the bug to have, see, want, ( I don't know) something different! Does this make sense to anyone? Anyone at all?  I might sound a bit crazed to some people, but trust me all is well up in the big noggin! Hmmm, Maybe a vacation with just JIMMY? I always want that. Never done that before. Will I get it? Probably on our 50th anniversary. Who knows?  I feel like I might want to move? Maybe? (I'm still deciding on that one.) Lets see...a new couch might make this itch go away! (random right?) Oh well I will figure it out at some point..until then I think I will just sit tight and stop complaining. (maybe)

I Guess I Should Write.....

The tears are still around, llurking in the wings of my eyes and at a moments notice they spring on me! I know some might think that I'm OK with crying, but I'm not.. not at all. I hate HATE hate it with a passion. People say..."its OK to cry, just let it all out." Well don't worry I do. And while doing it I hate it. You might ask why do you hate it so much? Well I will tell you. For me crying is like putting on clown make-up. My face is all splotchy and red. My lips inflate like balloons. My nose gets a crease in it from sniffing and wiping so much. My eyes look like I have not slept in days..... And when I'm good and done crying...does it go away? NO! It stays around for the next hour or two. So then I have people asking me if I'm OK when I have been done for hours! And then the headache comes....enough said!  Another question you might be asking yourself  is "why is she even talking about this?" Well all I have to say about that is...I'm just done crying but my mind won't tell my eyes or my heart!

My blessing are great in number, I know that I am not with out. I do try and remember what I do have. I know that many have it worse than I do. But my heart is still broken. It still hurts. When I'm alone with my thoughts everything aches. I feel alone even though I know I am surrounded by people who love and care about me. I feel alone in my feelings, though there are many who know what I'm going through. I feel confused and guilty, embarrassed and sad, angry and lonely.

I remember after having Chloe I felt this extreme sense of LOSS. I didn't understand why I would feel like this. I had a baby right in front of me. So why would I feel like I had lost something. It's like my mind could not tell my heart that we just had a baby. And yet my heart ached for the child in my hands. It knew it was there and fine, but what was the loss? I have that same feeling again. Only this time no baby to have my heart ache for.

Jimmy gave me a blessing the night before I went and found out. In speaking he was having trouble finding the right words. He could not get the words out that I needed, hope, pleaded for. After the prayer I knew in my heart that it was not going to be good news. And some where through out my short term of pregnancy I knew it would not last. I felt it over and over again. So why was I so surprised and so hurt? Why had this not softened the blow?

I guess I write this, not because I am depressed or crying our for help. But just as a way to heal. I write to make it known to myself.  I know that in TIME everything will heal.

One Day.....

One day I'll come back to this thing called blogging....I mean,.. I really do have a lot to write about. There has been so many things happening in our lives and it should be blogged about! We are all still alive though.. and all doing well. But one day I really will come back...maybe tomorrow, who knows...

Are you sure those are my Kids!??

As a kid you wonder if your kids will ever look like you! Well I'm pretty sure we can all agree,...these are mine! (all between 5-6 months!)

Mandy
Adalynn

Sophie

Chloe

Our Nerdy Halloween!

One day I looked at Jimmy and I just knew what we were going to be for Halloween! We had a blast dressing up and I think that our girls make pretty darn cute NERDS!!!

Sophie's little Photo Shoot!

Yesterday Sophie didn't want to take a nap and so we had a little fun together. She is always wanting to put on some of my make-up so I decided one day would be fine!...I always like to see how much her hair has grown because its soo tight in those curls..you just never know. So after that what better way to document the fun we were having, but to do a little photo shoot! She had sooo much fun doing it! I'm glad that we were able to have that fun time together just me and her!

The bestest Daddy a girl can have....

I just love how these girls love their daddy. He can pretty much get them to do anything...unless its 2:00 am...then he's useless. At least I know I'm good at something in this family...You have a crisis in the middle of the night, I'm totally your gal!

 

 

 

They are puddy in his hands!

This is how he makes them "daddy's girls." He molds them into what he wants and then they are his forever...I'm a lost cause in this family...jk!

Sad/Mad Content Happy

I know she looks kinda scary...right?

But really she is a content little bugger.

And you can pretty much guarantee she will give you this smile if you just talk to her.

Adalynn Update

Stats:

Age: 3 Months (on Sept 24Th)

Weight: 11 lbs

Length: 24 inches

Eyes: she is our COUGAR BLUE EYES!!

Hair: Bald as Bald gets!

My little Lovie is getting so big! I am just so in love with this little girl...(maybe because she is a mama's girl right now, but that might change once she finds her dad.) She is such a good baby. She is just what I needed for a third child. She is loving and smiley. She eats and sleeps well. The only time she cries is when I have forgotten something like feeding her or a dirty diaper. Maybe if I was more on top of things she would never cry. She comes with us to the gym and is Mommy and Daddy's little workout buddy. (child care won't take her until she is 6 months.) She has already done a cycling class (riding with dad on the bike) and she really likes our P90X classes. She has been such a joy to have in our family. Her sisters adore her and usually are ready to help her with anything she needs.

A toast to READING!!

......I love reading!(As most people do.) Reading is where anything you thought was not possible, becomes possible with a few simple words on a page.

I feel like when I first open a book my body and mind decide together if they want to invest time in this book. If they do, my body feels this gravitational pull to its pages. Like at any moment my arm or leg might very well be pulled into the pages. Once inside I step behind the curtain of words and watch my very own movie unfold before me. If at any moment I am pulled back to reality, my mind is never too far from the book, and then I feel the pull once again.( And so the cycle continues...) I feel as though once I'm back in the movie that's playing before me, I am in this position to watch the Hero and Heroine tell there stories with out my interference. My feelings are the same as the characters, but mostly my main feeling is just exhilarated. My mind sometimes runs faster than the story playing before me and so then I get anxious. I can only sit by and hope the story ends well. And then when the story is at its end I feel a huge sense of loss, but yet still excited that I got to be apart of it.(It's all very conflicting on the heart.) Then soon I will have to step back into reality. And when my foot steps back out of the pages and the book closes, I look up to see the poop on my tile floor, because my 2 year old kept trying to tell me that she had to potty and couldn't seem to get through to her mom. So she took matters into her own hands and went.

So here is to reading books and dreaming big with them...just remember to toast reality too because if you don't remember that its there you might find a big surprise...and sometimes it's not so pretty!

~~~One SPECIAL Day~~~

Today was SPECIAL...Jimmy stayed home from work today..helping me adjust to the CRAZY life. He made a special dinner for us. Top Ramen and Juice! It was fantastic! We had great dinner music thanks to Blue October. The girls are even starting to sing along with the songs. Sophie dressed up in her fanciest dress. (Snow White costume) We toasted to a fabulous day of going to the Children's Museum, eating at the Chik-fil-A and then again returning to the Museum. The girls had a late nap and Jimmy and I watched a movie together.(IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY ...unheard of!)

I love my family. To top it off we are heading now to get some BerriPOP. (frozen Yogurt on the waterway..YUM!)

~~~~~The Roller Coaster~~~~~

Well the last couple of weeks have been just that...a roller coaster. Defiantly more ups than downs. I think I have experienced every emotion there is... happiness, sadness, annoyance, anger, surprise, content, grief, pain, loneliness,and many more. I sometimes feel I can't wait for the future to hurry up and get here, and in the same moment I want time to stand still and never move again. Or... I want to return to the past, just to experience the same moment again receiving the same amazing feelings. The thoughts that go through my head can never reach my finger tips fast enough to type them, nor my tongue to speak them. I'm finding that with the ride I am starting to anticipate the next turn instead of wanting to jump off. Tomorrow I might not feel the same way, but as for right now I am loving this roller coaster.

TADAAA!!!

**In no particular order**

Enjoy!They look so much alike now.

This is right after the whole event. Jimmy was awesome and I think we laughed for an hour after everything that just happened. I love that man!!

This is my amazing doctor, Dr. Tracy Turner! She was doing everything she could to get this baby out when I wanted her to. Too bad she missed the actual event. But she got there to do all the dirty work.

My Cheerleaders..and nurses assistants.




This was right after we got in and all hooked up.

I'm falling in love with her more everyday!

Adalynn Rae Hales

Born: 6/24/09

Time: 8:56 p.m.

Weight: 8lbs 9oz

Length: 22 inches

And so the REAL story begins...and let me tell you it was a fun and exciting for me. (WARNING: THIS IS KINDA LONG)

On Monday I went for my 40 week and 2 day apt. I decided a couple posts back to change my attitude and so it was not so bad heading back into the Dr.s office. I went in the office at a 3 dilation and came out a 4. My doctor had stripped my membranes and was hopeful she would come that night. She then also called me about an hour later and told me that she moved my Thursday (3rd in line) to Wednesday (4Th in line) scheduled induction. I was still trying to not get my hopes up because I was a DEFINITE, FOR SURE, ALL GREEN LIGHTS FOR A GO on Monday.

So Wednesday rolled around and I knew I still had to call for the small chance that I might get in. So I called at 6:30 in the morning and was told to call back at 9:00. (I have heard that before and then the let down usually follows after.) But the women was nice enough for me to ask her if my chances looked good. She told me that my Doctor had written a note on mine and had said to get me in as late as 5:00 pm. And most likely I would be getting in. Anyways I called back and they told me to call at 11:00. I called at 11:00 and they said to wait until they called me, but that it was probably going to be around 1:00.

1:50 I GOT THE CALL! I was so excited! I was there in 15 min thanks to Breana Smith and Elizabeth Chappell. Jimmy was there in 10min (and that was from Greenspoint) Needless to say we were a bit overly excited. Anyways I was hooked up to the pit by 2:30...and my water was broken at 3:30. Jimmy and I pretty much just hung out and talked. Then at around 5:30-6:00 my Cheerleaders came and then the fun started...Sierra Griffin, Sima Eggett and Elizabeth Chappell were there to watch the show. (And boy did they get a show) For the most part we just were chatting away as my contractions started to get harder. They were a great distraction from the pain. My nurse came in and I found out that we pretty much new each other from the 2 times that I had gone to hospital before during this pregnancy. She was the same nurse that took care of me in Triage and we got to know each other a bit. She had even made the comment the last time I was in, that maybe she would see me in a couple of weeks. Sure enough she was my nurse that night, her name was Linda. She was AMAZING and since my mom could not be there, it almost felt like she stepped in to that role. She really gave me her full attention while being there.

Moving on....at 8:40 I told my nurse that I was starting to feel the need to push. She told me not to since I was only barely at a 7. 8:50 I kept saying to her "I think I really need to push."At 8:55 I finally told her "I AM PUSHING..UMM SHE'S OUT!" mean while she says to me hold on just let me check you first..she pulled back the sheet and low and behold Adalynns head was out. I had stopped my push midway through in fear that I would get in trouble for pushing her all the way out.

It all got a little crazy right then. Jimmy was asked to go get more nurses..(since my doctor was not there) and Elizabeth, Sierra and Sima jumped up to do what ever the nurse asked them to do. I think Sierra pushed over the doctors table to the nurse and Elizabeth ran to get help as well. ( sorry Sima I'm not sure what you did considering I was trying not to push at the moment.)

Anyways..That is pretty much all that happened..my doctor made it in to deliver the placenta and to stitch up the small tear I had. By 9:30 it was just Jimmy, Adalynn, and I in the room. I had the best nurse care the whole hospital stay and was barely interrupted by people coming in. Jimmy and I slept pretty well considering it was a hospital. And I never thought I would say this but I wanted to stay as long as I could. It was so nice to just be there with piece and quiet for the majority of my stay. Adalynn so far is a great baby. She eats great and sleeps great so far... she had blond hair and I think looks like Jimmy. We are so excited that she is finally here and can't wait to get to know her.

p.s. Thanks to all the people who helped. Brad you Rock! Thanks for being awesome. Thanks to Joe and Travis for letting their wives be there. It meant so much to me to have them there. You three are GREAT HUSBANDS and AWESOME DADS!!

LET IT BE

**Listen to Brooke Whites version of Let it Be on my play list.**

The guilt of feeling sorry for myself has started to seep in. In all honesty I should be looking at my positives and not my negatives. After finding out again yesterday that I was not "getting what I wanted" I cried and cried and was just mad at everything. I was feeling so sorry for myself, when Jimmy called me in the room and reminded me of how good we have it. There is nothing WRONG with me. As far as I know my baby is healthy and strong, and I have had a great pregnancy. Many women go over there due date and maybe they are sad about it but in thinking about it..I didn't hear one complaint from any of them. I also realised in saying my prayers.. I was not letting the Lord take over..I was trying to control the situation. So now I am going to just LET IT BE..I am going to let the Lord take over and stop trying to control what I can't. One way or another she HAS to come out. I need to take comfort in the fact that my Heavenly Father loves me and my baby and I think the two of them will decide when she needs to come out. My control will start after she is born...lol!

So let the pity party end. I will TRY to be as positive as I can. I mean I'm not perfect so I might slip up here and there..but I will make a hard effort.

Thank you to all you Lovely Ladies with all your support and great advise. I truly love you all.

SCREAMING

THIS IS ME SCREAMING! I AM HATING LIFE AT THIS MOMENT. All I want is just to be done..

I have always said that Luck has never been on my side.....

Its not going to happen today...or tomorrow or the next or the day after that...pretty much I just have to wait until she wants to come out. Something that I am having a hard time dealing with. Pregnancies should never last more than 40 weeks. I feel like I'm going crazy.

Here is the situation now...its 12:30 and I got a call from my doctor saying that she is sooo sorry, but she doesn't think its going to happen today. She said that they are under staffed at the hospital and they don't have enough nurses for all the patients. I totally understand the situation..but here is my dilemma...what if ( and I really don't think this would ever happen) but what if I were to go into labor...are they not going to have enough nurses for me then? I know that's a dumb question.

I hope that soon I will be able to post something that is happy and good news, but don't hold your breath...remember I don't have such luck!

UUUURRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!

WAITING

Well its Saturday morning and we called at 6:00 am to see if we could get in. We were told they would call us...So we waited...Jimmy gave them til 7:00am before he decided to call back. When he did call back they said that my Doctor wants me to come in when ever the hospital has bed space. So I think I will get in today..I just have to wait! Let me tell you...I am done waiting!!!!! I've never been a very good patient person to begin with but now this is truly torture!

I don't think I'll truly be happy until I am in the hospital and my water is broken. I feel like screaming...

OK OK I'm done complaining for this post. I feel like my blog is beginning to become my own personal pity party. But for now I'm done...

CANCELED!!!

So I got a phone call yesterday saying that the hospital is canceling my induction because they are too full. I thought someone was playing a mean joke because the girl on the line just sounded too happy and her accent sounded a little fake. (I really did believe this.) Anyways...usually they do not schedule any inductions on the weekend, unless they are an emergency. But I guess my doctor talked to them and told them that I HAD to get in. She also will be working this weekend so they said that it would be OK. This still is NO GUARANTEE that I will get in, but I do have a better chance.

So here is hoping for tomorrow (raising a glass in the air, and rolling my eyes)!!!